Well, it has come and gone. July 24th. A normal day for so many. A Tuesday this year. A Monday last year. And a date that will forever be burned into my mind as the worst day ever.
It’s now been one whole year and two days since I saw my Dad last. Its been one year and one day since I heard his voice in person, though ive replayed the same voicemail hundreds of times, burning his voice into my memory, tearing up when I hear “Love you” at the end. Its been a whole year since I thought I couldnt go on, would never smile again, and thought life had lost its meaning. I’ve cried probably gallons of tears. I’ve slept all day and stayed up all night several times. But life has gone on.
In this last year, I got married. Our daughter, Haven, was born, her name chosen because that’s what she was and is to us. In this last year, I have had friends lose their dad and come to me seeking answers and help, of which I have none. I have seen the seasons make a full cycle, and I have spent hours by Dad’s grave.
It seems surreal to realize that you have gone a full year without someone you love so dearly, and look up to so much. In many ways, I’ve felt every second of the last year, and in some it feels like yesterday that I said goodbye.
I can only hope and pray that I make him proud and be half the dad he was. I hope that in this next year I can be a more emotionally available spouse, son, brother, and grandson. And I hope that peace comes with the next year.